I was a huge fan of the old sci-fi series “Babylon 5.” One of my assignments today reminds me of one of the episodes, in which the representatives from various worlds on the space station are invited to present something that represents their religious culture. The commander, Jeffrey Sinclair, of Earth, has no idea what to do. Eventually, he lines up as many fellow Earthlings as he can think of, and one by one, they introduce themselves: this one is Jewish, this one is Roman Catholic, this one is Muslim, this one is an atheist, this one follows traditional American Indian gods, etc.

I’ve been thinking about that because a group of students from China are wrapping up a two-and-a-half-week visit to Lebanon today, to practice their American English and see something of American culture. The sendoff today is to be an American-style birthday party, with, I presume, candles on a cake, funny hats, noisemakers and a rousing chorus of “Happy Birthday.”

I like that. I think birthday celebrations are pretty standard in this country; whether you celebrate with cake and candles and choruses or not, you’re at least familiar with the template.

The whole idea got me to wondering, though: If I were to try to introduce someone to American culture, what, exactly, would I show him or her? What is “American?”

I have some ideas, but really, it all comes down to Sinclair’s decision: all sorts of things qualify, some of them in direct opposition to one another. Construction sites and demolition derbies, for instance. Big rock concerts and small folk festivals. Barbecue and tofurkey.

Here are some of the things I’d do …

– We’d watch an American football game, and probably a baseball game, too.
– We’d eat hamburgers and fries and pancakes with maple syrup.
–  We’d visit an elementary school at recess and watch the kids on the playground. Maybe we’d join a game of tag or tetherball.
–  We’d do something related to whatever holiday is closest: carve jack o’lanterns, dye Easter eggs, give valentines, drink green beer. (I realize none of these customs originated in this country – well, maybe the beer one; wouldn’t put it past us – but we Americans have put our own unique twists on the celebrations.)
– We’d buy tennis shoes.
– We’d wave or smile at random people as we pass them on the street. This seems to be peculiarly American.
– We’d drive everywhere.
– We’d hang out at the mall. Any mall.
– We’d go, calendar permitting, to a county fair, where we’d look at the animals, eat cotton candy and something fried on a stick, and maybe see a tractor pull.
– We’d visit a courtroom to watch a jury trial.
– We’d check out a shooting range.

What would you do?